"I like to make people laugh at my expense"

Source: Amir Tofangsazan - check out the website for context

"The British have... the perfect temperament to be hackers--technically skilled, slightly disrespectful of authority, and just a touch of criminal behaviour."

Source: CNET News

"Look at the rubbish who are getting these awards [OBEs] and the absolute non-service they have given to the nation"

Source: 'Rubbish' Michael Winner, BBC News (who really is a prat)

"Recessed into a urinal is a pressure-sensitive display screen. When the guest uses it, he triggers an interactive game"

Source: Yanko Design

"I have written to the Minister of Telecommunications to delay the use of certain mobile phones. We can wait 10 more years until we have managed to improve morality in society."

Source: Rubery Village

"Gifts included a £70,000 Mercedes car for his son and a pet rabbit for his great-granddaughter"

Source: BBC News

"We didn't go all the way; we didn't even ever kiss (Yes, at 20, I've never kissed a guy, unless you count my dad and 2 younger brothers). Still, we went too far and too fast"

Source: Typical problems in an American Christian teenage message board, Battle Cry

"How shall I put this delicately? Some of our curators and keepers, absolutely brilliant academically, don't actually have televisions at home, so they'd never seen anything like this before in their lives."

Source: MediaGuardian

"The kids have no computer games. And absolutely no television. None."

Source: Tom Cruise, who absolutely never appears on television or computer games, Digital Spy

"A woman left her friend as 'security' at a petrol station after running out of money - but never came back"

Source: Ananova

"The Simpsons, like Monty Python, is an Anglo-Saxon comedic take on the existentialism which in France takes on a more tragic hue."

Source: BBC News

"Mona Lisa also gets a nasal tone because of her relatively large nose"

Source: Japanese Scientists, The Register

"Modern teenagers are better behaved than their counterparts of 20 years ago, research suggests"

Source: BBC News

"If you cheat on a good woman, you are going to die a miserable death, probably of cancer"

Source: Jenny McCarthy, Digital Spy

"Snoop Dogg has been permanently banned from entering the United Kingdom for life"

Source: Baller Status (Ur, hurrah?)

"One has got rather used to tuning in daily for a nice quotable quote. One rather missed it today."

Source: A concerned reader. (Sorry guys - Physics Practical and all that!)

"We want to tell people that, just like ice hockey or fencing, you don't have sex naked"

Source: BBC News

"I pledge to remain sexually pure…until the day I give myself as a wedding gift to my husband"

Source: Daylight Atheism on the 'Father-Daughter Purity Ball' (you heard that right) in South Dakota.

"I can give up smoking any time but I don't find it affects my pregnancy"

Source: Daily Record, girl who became pregnant at 11.

"It was an art film - end of story. It was not a bloody porn film."

Source: BBC News - defensive eh? BNP member in Story Of The Year!

"To ask the Deputy Prime Minister, whether he plans to commemorate his anniversary of 10 years as Deputy Prime Minister."

Source: Recess Monkey (methinks not)

"It is kind of ironic that this whole dispute is about a smiley face"

Source: BBC News

"A good number of [Opus Dei] members whip themselves with a nasty little corded device they call the Discipline."

Source: Global National

"The premises are not safe for any purpose... We won't even try to warn you about any dangerous or hazardous condition, whether we know about it or not... have fun!"

Source: Nelson Rocks Preserve, part of a much longer disclaimer!

"In Stoke-on-Trent, the city's first BNP councillor spoke only twice during two years in office (and one of his 'speeches' was an interruption to ask what 'abstain' meant)."

Source: The Guardian

"After three recounts in Wheathampstead in St Albans, the Lib Dems and the Tories both had 1132. The result was decided by whoever picked the longest pencil"

Source: Nick Robinson

"Fox News the most trustworthy national news program overall (coming in at 11%)"

Source: Slashdot

"The Americans tended to be overweight and the Brits too fond of alcohol, the researchers say."

Source: National Geographic News

"I really need to be alive because my children need me and my family need me, so things have worked out reasonably ok."

Source: BBC News (with thanks to Nic)

"The Boy Scouts of America's position is that agnostics and atheists cannot participate as Scouters"

Source: Wikipedia

"The team discovered that the LiveJournal label "drunk" becomes increasingly popular each weekend"

Source: More shocking science in The Register

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