"They noted that one quiz question had been what was most likely to be in a lady's handbag. 'The top answer was Rawlplugs!' cried an MP"

Source: Times Online

"A member of Allen's entourage was then forced to use some quick thinking and logged on to Google, printing out the lyrics to her own songs"

Source: Metro

"'Britain's unluckiest man' has continued a lifelong tradition of mishaps by falling down a manhole... 'Everyone thinks it is just hilarious. My mates, family and wife Susan just laugh about it'"

Source: The Register

"Neither intelligent design nor creationism are recognised scientific theories and they are not included in the science curriculum"

Source: Not a funny quote, just important... The Guardian

"I never quite understood my pay packet... I just knew that it was large"

Source: BBC News

"The plan is pretty simple: to 'effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy' during the 'First Annual Solstice Synchronized Global Orgasm for Peace'"

Source: The Register

"The Conservatives have launched... a website including sections such as the 'tosser test', 'tosser map' and 'look what my tosser did'

Source: OK OK, so maybe that's selective quoting BBC News

"Your wedding sounded cheap, nasty and tacky anyway, so we only ever considered you time wasters"

Source: The Great Marquee Company's e-mail to a customer, Ananova

"A car park in a Birmingham shopping centre has been named as the best place to park in Britain... praised for its good lighting, generous space in the bays and the background music played throughout"

Source: Channel 4 News

"Guardian newspaper? Well, I don't read that paper often"

Source: George Bush, MediaGuardian

"The defence lawyer of a Wisconsin man charged with having sex with a dead deer is claiming he's innocent... because a statute prohibits sex with animals, but fails to mention carcasses"

Source: The Register (thanks to Nic!)

"When you get inside, there's nifty computer software telling you how they fitted all the animals in, too"

Source: Noah's Ark in the world's first Creationist museum, The Guardian

"It is a bit unusual but we just thought it was a load of fun. It is not tacky"

Source: Woolwooths, on their 'Will and Kate-shaped pick and mix sweets' amongst other things, The Telegraph

"A church set up in a former brothel is welcoming back former customers"

Source: Orange

"Unfortunately, I've not only got to protect the country, but to protect our laws and liberties"

Source: John Reid (rather worringly), BBC News

"A New York mathematician has found a formula to calculate the lifespan of the typical celebrity marriage... the chances of marital harmony are reduced with every Google hit each partner receives"

Source: The Independent

"As we fell into bed I thought, 'What the hell? He's a pop star"

Source: On James Blunt, Digital Spy

"Thanks for the add..."

Source: I finally cave in to MySpace

"According to the leader of Plymouth council, the decision to impose car parking charges... was to boost revenues"

Source: Shock! Times Online

"All these years I assumed my global success as a comedian was down to my acute observations, expert directorial rendering and consummate skills as a performer - turns out it's because I've got a fat girly face"

Source: Ricky Gervais, Monsters and Critics

"safety experts said yesterday that launching a rocket from the backside was a practice that contravened the firework code"

Source: Times Online

"We think UK darn good place. Too darn good for the white man race! If they no like us, they can scram. Got lots of room in Pakistan!"

Source: Leaked e-mail from a Tory councillor, The Guardian

"VOTE"

Source: Thanks to those Americans who did (Many, many sources)

"Everyone has said [my affair] started ten years ago - but actually it was only seven"

Source: Chris Tarrant, Digital Spy

"Pupils claimed yesterday that some had received detentions for hugging while others had been 'named and shamed' in assembly"

Source: The Guardian

"Certain undemocratic things could emerge and misinformation will start spreading over the web"

Source: Because that hasn't happened yet, fingers crossed... Tim Berners-Lee, BBC News

"An unholy row has broken out at the Pope's television station, with accusations flying that it... even tried to hold a staff meeting to find out if some were virgins."

Source: MediaGuardian

"I know a boy that is hell-bent on getting an Asbo because he feels left out"

Source: Awww, BBC News

"Holmes went ballistic, he was absolutely furious. He said 'How can you expect people to buy this game when you've misspelled my name on the front?'"

Source: Digital Spy

"Prince William has been handed a severe dressing down by senior officers at Sandhurst after losing his gun"

Source: Whoops, This Is London

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