"I'm looking for some Programmer(s) who can help me create a search engine like Google. Only qualified person(s) encouraged to apply. Compensation: no pay"

Source: Online help-wanted advert, reposted by Raymond Chen

"No one knows who's going to win, unless you're British, and then you know you have a good shot"

Source: Oscars Host Ellen DeGeneres (sorry, Oscars quotes will stop now!), BBC News

"I'm in frighteningly good company. It is very nice of The Queen to allow me in for a minute."

Source: Judi Dench, Oscar on BBC News

"48 year old Madge has banned her ten year old daughter Lourdes from going on dates until she is 18, saying 'No boys for her until she turns 18'"

Source: Always nice to remove your children from reality entirely... Entertainment Wise

"But whilst it's about bags of poo and fat men's testicles, there is also deep satire... It was always really important that the film had a point, a political message."

Source: Dan Mazer, Borat screenwriter, BBC News

"We don’t know what OS God uses, but we use Linux"

Source: Sister Judith, the director of the Vatican website, Digg.com

"A German man returned from a weekend away to find his flat had been broken into and completely refurbished"

Source: Ananova

"A serial loo paper thief has been cautioned by police after stealing rolls from public toilets... 'Ten rolls of paper a day soon adds up'"

Source: Metro

"The settlers are going to have a delightful time on the moon"

Source: Harrison Schmitt, Chairman of the NASA Advisory Council, MSNBC

"He blinds horses, there's no weird bestiality in it"

Source: The box office at Gielgud Theatre on Daniel Radcliffe, The Observer

"Local government officials in China have been criticised for spraypainting a barren mountain face green...to improve the view from a newly-built government building"

Source: Orange

"Dave Nunley's eating phobia means he can only scoff cheese... if he wasn't fussy enough already, Dave insists that the cheese has to be grated"


Source: Sky News

"I could do it easily but if I was a solo artist I would be the biggest solo artist in the country easy, no messing, within a year...seriously... but I prefer being in a band"

Source: Noel Gallagher, ITV News

"I was trying to keep it quiet from my wife but a journalist left a message on my phone which my wife heard so that was a bit unfortunate, a bit awkward"

Source: Bob Nabney, who brought a Second World War fire engine, The Sun

"Mr Kilroy-Silk has accused [M&S] of misleading women with mirrors that make them look slimmer in its clothes. He made the allegation in a written question in the European Parliament."

Source: BBC News

"The self-styled health guru has consistently argued she is entitled to call herself a doctor because of her distance learning PhD in holistic nutrition from the American Holistic College of Nutrition"

Source: Says it all really Guardian Unlimited

"What else has she been lying about? What man could trust a woman who fed him pumpkins for half a year?"

Source: What man indeed... Orange

"[David Cameron] was fined, grounded for two weeks and given the school's traditional punishment of a 'Georgic' - copying out hundreds of lines of Latin poetry"

Source: BBC News

"A man accused of stealing an Xbox 360 during a burglary has been caught in New Zealand after he rang up Microsoft to register the machine and ask for a power cord to replace the one he forgot to steal"

Source: Eurogamer

"Asked how prime minister's questions compared to life in the Big Brother House, she replied: 'They are way more polite in there and they get to leave and know what's going on in the world outside'"

Source: Hmm... really?!... BBC News

"We think the male [butterflies] must be able to get through 50 females - though they put less effort into each mating"

Source: Times Online

"Teaching materials used at the King Fahd school in Acton, west London... invite pupils to 'name some repugnant characteristics of Jews'"

Source: The Guardian

"I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don't use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults"

Source: Charlie Brooker, MediaGuardian

"Asked by Jeremy Vine what people should do when confronted by anti-social behaviour, Tony McNulty MP agreed that jumping up and down could help"

Source: Panorama, BBC News

"It remains a mystery as to why a full security alert was called on Wednesday over advertising devices... Coakley attributed it to the devices having a 'very sinister appearance' and 'wires'"

Source: Digital Spy

"Sergey was a very handsome, charming man and I am very happy with him, even if he did 'win' me in a poker game"

Source: Orange

"A desperate Chinese university student wants to 'rent' a girlfriend for 10 days so he can show her off to his parents over the Lunar New Year holiday"

Source: Breitbart.com

"All in all, Microsoft put on a terrific 55-minute press conference, with the main drawback being that it took something over two hours"

Source: The Guardian

What is this?   Archives   RSS Feeds