Rewriting the Mail

Sometimes, just sometimes, the Daily Mail (or the Mail on Sunday, which pompous Hitchens should realise is the same damn thing) manages to break out of its never-ending cycle of immigrants, gay immigrants and gay immigrants on welfare to find something really new and imaginative to have a hissy fit about. Whilst dutifully shopping in Sainbury’s, I saw such an achievement on the Mail’s front page today:

Brown banishes 300-year-old tradition by removing Britannia from our 50p coin

Yes, apparently a redesign of our coins is an even more important threat to our lives than those benefit-cheating homo-migrants today. Accepting this, a sensible headline would have been Royal Mint redesigns coinage. But no. Moving on:

Gordon Brown’s campaign to promote British values was exposed as a sham last night after it was revealed he personally approved a decision to remove Britannia from the 50p coin. The patriotic symbol – based on a Roman goddess – will no longer be on any British coin for the first time in more than 300 years, as part of a redesign by the Royal Mint. An overhaul of all coinage in April, being billed as the most significant change to the currency since decimalisation, will see it replaced with a representation of modern Britain.

OK, OK, alright. Maybe it is necessary to spin a redesign of coins into an emotional outburst most befitting a toddler tantrum. In that case, I humbly suggest a different angle…

Gordon Brown’s bold defence of British values continued in earnest last night after it was revealed he personally melted down every last 50p coin featuring Britannia. The symbol – based on an Roman goddess – will finally be removed 300 years after European bureaucrats first insisted on imposing the pagan imagery on British coins. Although Britain’s money will remain decimalised – robbing British shoppers of their beloved shillings, farthings and bartered goods – the coinage will now at least depict a representation of modern Britain: village churches, white people and Henry VIII.

(Apparently, Phillipa thinks this blog has a ‘relaxed’ tone: this should put her right )

In amidst all this, I should really mention the funeral, which felt ‘right’ to me. My dad made a very good speech, there were some brilliant photos and lots of people came. I even learnt that my grandad had had a rather relaxed attitude to health and safety during his working life, which further adds to the feeling that I haven’t received my fair share of ‘practical skills’ genes.

P.S. I think it’s worth mentioning, and I quote from the Beast itself, “the traditional Britannia design and other traditional designs will return in future mint runs.”

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8 Comments on :
Rewriting the Mail

  1. Lucy says:

    I think it’s still funny that they’re angry about losing a symbol based on a Roman goddess. Since when has a ancient pagan deity been thoroughly British? Maybe it should be replaced by a dirty, full, slow train instead.

  2. Abbi says:

    Being an immigrant I don’t think I am allowed to have an opinion on this…

  3. Red Dalek says:

    No. And stop taking the chance to comment on blogs away from British people!

  4. Andy says:

    "future mint runs."

    The unfortunate outcome of eating 4 packets of Polos inside 2 hours??

  5. HRH, The Grand Duke of Shoreham says:

    I have just been on the Daily Mail website and am also pleasantly suprised by its sense of maturity with regards to this matter. Perhaps the editor might consider dying this week for all our sakes. Anyway, with regards to the coinage, I am slightly upset being rather conservative in this matter (Big and little ‘c’) as I like the current designs and used to be an avid numismatist. However, sometimes we have to move on and so I do not really mind as long as they represent all four consituents of the United Kingdom. In fact, just to keep everybody happy why not keep Britannia on one of the coins but perhaps create a more modern version as they have done with the sovereign.

    Thank you for letting me comment on your wall!

  6. HRH, The Grand Duke of Shoreham says:

    Indubitably, I did just miss out a ‘t’ in constituents therefore I apologise wholeheartedly to anybody who feels slightly vexed when they observe the exclusion of ‘t’s on blogs.

  7. Lucy says:

    Andy over-indulgence of Polos is actually a common cause of that.

    Chewing gum is worse though.

  8. Andy says:

    I know, that’s why I said

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